Picking up women is a cinch with Pepsi's new iPhone app

I've been absent for far too long on this blog, haven't I? Ran into something today that made me miss writing in the blogosphere.

Pepsi, it seems, has jumped into the women-objectification game with a new iPhone app that helps users "score" with women, rate them afterward, and post the names and dates of their conquests.

Ad text from the campaign follows...

AMP UP BEFORE YOU SCORE is a roadmap to success with your favorite kinds of women—24, in all.

Is she an Artist? Quote some Picasso. Indie Rocker? Here are her favorite songs. Sorority Girl? Good thing you know the Greek alphabet. Know what makes her tick before you open your mouth, so she'll like what she hears when you do.
Here's how it works:

1. Identify Her Type
Got your eye on a girl, and aren't sure how to get started? Pick out her profile, flip the card, and study up quick with a cheatsheet on the stuff she's into, with lists, links and some surefire opening lines. (Surefire to what, we won't say.)

2. Keep a List
Get lucky? Add her to your Brag List. You can include a name, date and whatever details you remember.

3. Brag
You got it? Flaunt it. Keep your buddies in the loop on email, Facebook or Twitter.

Random cell-phone images from the past couple of months

From a shop in Brenham, Texas, where we took our annual mother/daughter getaway in June.



















From our living room table.


















From a paid-parking lot in downtown Austin.


















From the side of a bridge also in downtown Austin.

Math update: summer success!

Please forgive my long absence. When I resigned from my job, I just stopped using the computer for a while. I have a lot to write about though, starting with math.

At least half of the students in 7th grade math from Zee's school are retaking math over the summer. They don't all have the same teacher, but they do all use the same curriculum. I'm convinced the curriculum is the problem.

Zee just finished Unit 1 on our summer math program. She made a 96 after averaging 15 daily worksheets, three honors lessons, three tests, and a final exam.

I'm already seeing her attitude change. The first day of our summer lessons, she said, "I'm so excited about this, Mom."

She actually did extra math worksheets the other day "for fun." She asked me to take a picture of her first honors lesson and send it to Jake because she made a 100. She's completing the standard worksheets and the honors worksheet in each lesson now.

I compared the Math-U-See curriculum I'm using with the Saxon curriculum Zee's school used, and they cover the same concepts. Only now Zee is starting to understand the concepts. I'm excited that she isn't calling herself stupid anymore and saying that she's just bad at math.

Reteaching math over the summer

So my first order of business after resigning my job is to teach Zee 7th grade math over the summer. What's that you ask? Why am I paying $600/month to send her to a fancy college-prep school, and now I need to reteach her math?

I've recently discovered that two theories exist behind math instruction: spiral vs. mastery.

The spiral teaching method touches lightly on a broad range of topics, not expecting a student to completely "get it" the first time around, rather using numerous frequent reviews to reinforce deeper understanding. The spiral method covers a different topic each day.

Conversely, the mastery teaching method delves deeply into one topic at a time, expecting a student to master that topic before moving on the next, using reviews only after a few topics have been introduced. The mastery method covers one topic for several days.

To me, one teaching method seems vastly superior even just reading the descriptions. Math builds on itself. Each concept depends on understanding the previous concept. You can't add fractions if you can't first add. Well, the spiral method becomes increasingly problematic in the upper grades as students begin to learn algebra and geometry.

PUZZLING CURRICULUM CHOICE
Zee's school uses the spiral method. Zee can't learn this way. Her school has adopted the Saxon curriculum, which introduces new topics each class but only gives between two and four problems on the new topic, never giving the students a chance to grasp what's been introduced.

For example, when introducing geometry, Saxon Math 87 begins by discussing lines and angles in chapter 7. Then the text touches on fractions, percents, division, elapsed-time problems, parts of a whole, and customary systems.

Then in chapter 17 students get back to geometry and learn about measuring angles. No geometry for 23 chapters, then back to measuring the angles of a triangle and recognizing angle pairs. Skip to chapter 104 and 118 for geometry again.

After working only a few new problems, the students complete 25 review problems. But for Zee what should be "review" ends up being "relearn" because she never grasped the concepts in the first place.

So for those 25 review problems, we have to go back to the original chapter to relearn the original lesson.

And Saxon doesn't teach concepts, it teaches rote memorization, never answering the "why" behind the math, thereby severely limiting a student's ability to think critically about math or apply it to everyday life. Teaching math without the "why" inhibits students as they move into upper-level math, especially college courses.

FRUSTRATIONS FOR ME AND ZEE
Right now, Zee has a 66 for the semester and she's trying her hardest. She often says, "Mom I'm so stupid. Why can't I get this?"

When I started talking to her about the different philosophies behind the instruction of math, Zee began to get encouraged. Then I read her some of the comments other parents and students wrote in their reviews of the Saxon math curriculum:

"My son officially now HATES math. He cries over his assignments."

"She is now failing math and hates it."

"He used to love math and now he hates it."

"I hated math with a passion when I did these books, and I got consistently low grades because I would make a careless arithmetic error somewhere in the long string of calculations and thus get the entire problem wrong."

"It took her over 2 hours per day to do it and she never felt as if she accomplished anything."

Zee said in astonishment, "Mom, that's exactly what's happening to me. I don't feel so dumb anymore."

I met with her math teacher and her principal yesterday. Her math teacher agrees; he's not fond of the Saxon curriculum or the spiral method, but he said the school isn't interested in changing the math curriculum.

When I met with the principal, she verified that the school is happy with the Saxon curriculum. Why are they so happy with Saxon? Well Saxon students test well at secondary grade levels if they're good at rote memorization. For a college-prep school though, you'd think they'd be more interested in what happens after high school.

Even the principal mentioned that her own son had gone through the Saxon curriculum at the school and was now having problems in college. She did not, however, see the connection between the Saxon curriculum and his current college struggle. She instead attributed it to him "always trying to do it his own way." The problem is, he never learned to think critically, and that's a required component of college-level math.

Zee's school only reviews curriculum every four years, and math was reviewed two years ago. If I'm still around in two years, I will petition for inclusion in that board meeting.

But for now, I must decide what to do. Other than math, we love love love Zee's school. But I'm sending her into a daily barrage of frustrations in math and watching her grades slip lower and lower. I can't reteach her math every year. (My math skills only go up to a certain level after all.)

What do I do?

How much would you pay Chinese hookers to drink responsibly?

How about $2.6 million.

Reason for my absence, and a look at things to come

I mentioned that after my wisdom-teeth removal, I had time to gather some thoughts. Well, I took those thoughts and formed a plan, which I am now acting on. I resigned from my job on Monday. My last day will be Friday, May 22.

I filed dba (doing business as) forms in Travis and Williamson counties, and I will spend the summer preparing to go into business for myself. I opened a business checking account under my business name and purchased Web domains. I've been researching, brainstorming, and planning my guts out since March.

Beginning in August, I will market my services to small businesses in Austin and Round Rock. I'll specialize in small-business communications.

For the summer, however, I will concentrate on being a mom. When I talked to Zee about the possibility of self-employment (meaning we would have to be even more careful with money for a while), she was giddy. She's so excited for us, and supportive of me.

In fact, everyone I've talked to has been supportive. I thought for sure I'd hear, "Are you crazy? Quitting your job when the economy is so bad and so many people are out of work?" But no one who knows me has said that. Even my boss was supportive. He said, "Congratulations. I know you'll do well."

Jake has been wonderful. He helps me with research, planning, and brainstorming. Right after I made the decision to quit my job and go out on my own, I got my first client. I love the way God works. We step out and trust him, and he delivers. I've pondered many times whether the unrest I felt at work was earthly or godly, and I believe it was the Lord's prodding to move on for the sake of my family.

A week after I decided to leave my job, I was having dinner with the director of my karate organization after helping him teach a karate class. During the course of the conversation, we decided that I would be responsible for securing sponsors for our big national tournament in August, and he would pay me a commission on all the sponsorship money I'm able to secure. Shazam!

Things I've accomplished so far in preparing for my new business:

• Chose a business name
• Filed dba forms in two counties
• Opened a business checking account
• Decided on a business structure
• Began drafting a business plan
• Bought two domain names
• Began creating a Web site
• Purchased individual health insurance
• Met with a graphic designer friend who's designing my logo and business stationery
• Conducted hours of research
• Read self-employment books and magazines
• Subscribed to two self-employment magazines
  

I still have a long way to go, but over the summer, I plan to: finish the business plan, finish the logo and stationery, identify prospective customers, create a marketing plan, and finish the Web site. I'll be ready to secure new clients in August when Zee starts school again.

This new venture is both exciting and scary for me at once. Please keep me and Zee in your prayers as I step out in faith, knowing that God will provide for my family.

And for those of you who may be interested, here's the text from my letter of resignation:

Dear Jim,

As we journey through life, we find ourselves entering and exiting phases marked often by situations or events. Now, I find myself entering a new phase of life marked by self-employment.

Working as an independent contractor will allow me the time I desire to be an effective single mom. I've always believed that my primary job is being a mother, and with my skills, I can earn a living without being an employee. I plan to market my areas of strength to small businesses and hope to earn enough to sustain a living for me and Zee while also securing a future for us.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to work for the Texas Association of Counties. I appreciate what I've learned from you, and I'm grateful for the way you've allowed me to work specifically on projects that utilize my strengths. Over the last year and a half, I've learned the nuances of county government and how it operates, which I find fascinating. I've also been able to work with talented people and have enjoyed being part of the TAC culture.

My position as communications associate at TAC consists primarily of working on one project after another, many of which recur frequently. Among many writing, editing and branding projects I've worked on, my projects include coordinating sections and writing intro text for the annual report; writing and polishing marketing text for education events; coordinating Healthy County communications with HEBP; researching and writing articles for County magazine; researching and writing press releases for other departments; writing and editing the TAC Brand & Style Handbook; and ghost writing executive letters.

I'm resigning my full-time position, effective May 25, 2009, and I hope you'll consider allowing me to use my strengths to continue serving TAC as an independent contractor working on projects to enhance the effectiveness of TAC communications.

Unfair media coverage unsurprising

Not getting any homework help

Zee had a particularly hard weekend with her father and returned to me in tears Sunday evening. She said that her father mistreated her when they went to dinner with his brother's family.

According to Zee, Saul tends to make jokes at her expense when his brother is around. She's at a sensitive age now anyway so she's extraordinarily susceptible to offense.

Have you ever seen kids mistreat their parents simply because the kids have friends around? It's almost like kids think it's somehow "cool" to be disrespectful. Well, that's what Saul does to Zee in front of his brother.

I had agreed to let Zee stay later than usual on Sunday at Saul's request as long as he made sure she had time to finish her homework. He wanted to take Zee to a family dinner celebrating Zee's cousin's birthday Sunday at 5 p.m.

Generally, even though Zee takes her books to Saul's on his weekends, she comes home around 4 p.m. on Sunday with no homework completed.

This past Sunday, Saul and his girlfriend took Zee running around town just doing errands and hanging out. When Zee asked Saul to take her back to his house Sunday afternoon so she could work on homework before dinner, Saul wanted to go to the movies instead, which they did.

I have no doubt that Zee could've worked on her homework before Sunday afternoon. But I also don't appreciate Saul refusing to take responsibility for making sure she did it. If I didn't give her the quiet time for homework every night and encourage her to work on it, she might not do it at my house either.

But as her mother, it's my responsibility to make sure she has the opportunity to complete her necessary tasks. And Saul should take the same responsibility when Zee's with him.

Saul wants the fun part of parenting without any of the obligations that come with it. Jake is in the same situation with Dalton and Kaelyn's mom. It's actually worse for them because they spend an entire week with their mom before coming home to Jake.

One time Dalton said, "I'm glad my project's due on your week, Dad." When Dalton and Kaelyn go to their mom's, they stay up late watching movies with her, and she has people over all the time. Kaelyn always tells me, "My mom is a party girl."

Both kids are struggling in school, and it's hard for Jake to make up for the time they spend with their mom. Having stability only every other week is hard for kids. However, better some stability than none, and Jake offers them much of the structure they need.

God's plan for family is better than human plans every time. Split families suffer so much more than the initial effects of a broken home. Children feel the brunt of family brokenness more than we'll ever know.

Why do we continually second-guess God?

I'm so happy

The continuing wisdom-teeth saga

I ended up going back to the surgeon Monday instead of waiting until Wednesday for my scheduled appointment. The pain and swelling were getting worse when they should have been getting better.

The surgeon said that because she had to drill so deep into my jaw bone, the muscles around my jaw experienced a lot of trauma that resulted in them staying clenched since the surgery.

So she prescribed stronger pain medication and a muscle relaxer. I stayed home from work Tuesday and Wednesday (had to take vacation days) and spent both days entirely drugged. I'm back at work today and feeling much better.

I still look like I have marshmallows stuffed in my cheeks, and I'm still on the pain medication (although taking less of it), so I'm not sure how productive I'll be at work today.

I had time to gather some thoughts over the last two days during my drug-induced waking coma, which I will share with y'all in the next week. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

Wisdom teeth removal update

I left work early Wednesday to have all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I took both Thursday and Friday off from work as sick days so I would have plenty of time to recover. As I left work Wednesday, my boss said, "Let us know if you feel like working." Yeah, he wasn't joking.

Arg.

The surgery went well, except the surgeon had to drill into my jaw more than expected. Jake took me to the procedure and took me to his house afterward to care for me all weekend. He and Zee were the best nurses I could ever hope for.

They spent all weekend by my side. Jake woke me up intermittently to take pain medication all weekend. He washed all my laundry so I wouldn't have to worry about it this week. He smushed my food and comforted me. Zee made me a large get-well card, and made me smoothies and pudding all weekend. She also gave me plenty of hugs and comfort.

Day 1: Surgery day. Left the surgeon's office feeling numb, and I could barely walk. We drove to south Austin where Jake lives, and I spent the majority of the day leaning over a trash can spitting blood. Jake and Zee helped me keep ice packs on my cheeks. I drank Gatorade and Slimfast. We watched movies all day.




Day 2: Started to swell. I felt good enough to sit at the table and play a game of Rummi-O. I drank a coffee smoothie, Ensure, Gatorade, and Slimfast. I ate applesauce, mashed potatoes, smushed avocados, and cottage cheese, and kept ice on my cheeks. We went swimming, but I mainly just sat in the hot tub.



Day 3: Woke up in severe pain. The swelling continued. Continued to take pain medication and eat the same foods. Started using moist heat on my cheeks instead of ice. Had to refill the hydrocodone for pain.






Zee and her sister went to the rodeo with Saul's mom then they both came back home to spend the night with us. While the girls were gone, Jake and I went to Wal-Mart to buy a new movie then picked up my favorite tomato basil soup from La Madeleine.




Day 4: Felt pretty good. Jake made pancakes for the girls then took them running around while I napped. Jake cooked for everyone, and we ate both lunch and dinner at the table together. (I stuck to my smushed foods.) Then we all went swimming. Again, I mainly just sat in the hot tub. We watched a movie together then all went to bed.



Day 5: Jake took the girls to church while I napped. I took a dose of hydrocodone at 11 a.m. and planned to drive home when it wore off at 3. I was still swollen and hurting. Zee and I drove home. I think I accidentally popped out a stitch while brushing my teeth, and I started bleeding again. Zee and I went to bed together at 9.



Day 6: Today. I'm at work because I exhausted every bit of my sick time. I'm still swollen and hurting. I only have two doses of hydrocodone left. I'm still eating only smushed foods, and I feel nauseous. I plan to call the surgeon today to make sure I'm on schedule with recovery.

Wisdom teeth extraction today

Please pray for me if you think about. I'm getting all four yanked, and the bottom two will require some drilling into my jaw. I'm nervous.

How to be a real woman, part I

Recognize that everything he says is really an insult, and be duly offended.

Have you ever noticed that everything your husband, boyfriend, brother, or male co-worker says is usually sinister?

Men use every opportunity to criticize you, especially men who're close to you.

They're always sizing you up and waiting for the perfect time to let you know of your numerous shortcomings. For instance, you have ugly hair, but your co-worker won't say that until you get a haircut.

You get a haircut Monday after work, and Tuesday, your co-worker sees you in the morning.

MALE CO-WORKER: Wow, you got a haircut.

Now, a real woman will recognize this comment as an attack and will respond appropriately.

REAL WOMAN: If I wanted to be lambasted for having ugly hair, I would have stayed home with my husband.

The biggest mistake a real woman could make in this situation is pretending that the male co-worker's statement is innocuous, thereby allowing him to continue his insults.

When a real woman cracks the sacred "man code" and lets him know that she knows his maniacal intent, men will be terrified in her presence.

If, in fact, men are terrified to speak in your presence, you are a real woman.

The dangerous comparison game

Inevitably, when Zee makes a request that I deny, she points out that other kids are allowed to do it, have it, say it, etc.

We've all heard it from our children and probably responded with, "I don't care what other kids are allowed to do; I'm not their mother, I'm yours."

We don't allow our children to draw such comparisons, but are we guilty of doing so?

Perhaps not outwardly stated, but how many times do we think, I've never heard little Suzie tell her mother, "No." Or how about, "Why can't my kid go to bed without arguing like Johnny does?"

Last night, Zee's father really upset her. He puts a lot of pressure on her about grades. I have a wild (some would say) philosophy on grades, and Saul and I completely disagree on the matter.

Zee had a phone conversation with Saul last night in which he told her she's been "bad" and said her grades were "terrible." Now, I would never use the word "bad" to describe a child. I firmly believe in the power of words, and that is a powerfully negative word.

She spoke with Saul for about 10 minutes, after which she hung up the phone and began crying and speaking hysterically.

ZEE: Mom, he just doesn't understand me. I'm trying as hard as I can. It's not like I'm not doing the work. I do all the homework. I pay attention in class. I try so hard. He doesn't even know me. You know me; you understand me.

While I was honored to hear Zee say that I both know and understand her, it's not healthy for her to draw such comparisons between me and her father. Besides, I may be winning the comparison game today, but chances are, I'll be losing it in the future.

First I comforted Zee and told her how sorry I was. I held her and let her cry. Once she was settled and quiet, I continued the conversation.

ME: Zee, people are different so you can't compare them. Your dad loves you, honey. We just handle situations differently. Everyone does. And are you sure you've given your father the opportunity to really know you?

ZEE: Yes. He doesn't want to, Mom. I've tried. He just doesn't care. He wants me to be perfect. I can't be, Mom. He doesn't even know what he's asking.

When we look at people (and ourselves) and reference them against others, we're serving them an injustice. Think of this: We measure ourselves against numerous other people, not just one. "I wish I had her compassion, his strength, her intelligence, his composure, her patience..."

We create a composite perfect person then expect to somehow become "good enough" to fit the description. And we expect others to do the same, even our children.

But is that a fair expectation?

I got my daughter back

Over the past week, I was able to identify two large contributing factors to Zee's shifting personality. I had been considering them, but wasn't certain until now.

1. Her new "best friend"
2. Rampant cell phone use

Zee was sick both Thursday and Friday. She missed school both days. On top of that, she was grounded from her cell phone all week, providing the perfect opportunity for a test case.

Factor #1: The friend
I took Zee to school during lunch on Friday to get her books so she could work on her assignments from home.

As we were walking up the sidewalk, one of Zee's teachers stopped me. Zee went to her locker to get her books, and the teacher asked me, "Have I done anything to offend Zee lately that you know of?" I said that Zee hadn't said anything to me.

The teacher said, "I just wanted to be sure before I mentioned anything." She then explained that she had noticed a marked change in Zee's personality over the last few weeks. She said Zee is a bright girl, intelligent and bubbly, but that lately, Zee has been withdrawn and negative.

Then she said, "One of Zee's new friends isn't the best influence. I would be worried about Zee spending so much time with Molly."

Saul let Zee spend the night with her new "best friend" two weeks ago. I was against it, having never met Molly's parents, but I didn't have any specific objections about the friend. I've only met Molly at school a couple of times.

Turns out though, that Zee's new friend has a horrible relationship with her own mother and is constantly complaining about her mom. Strangely, Zee never had a problem with me until she started hanging out with Molly.

Hmmmmm.

Factor #2: The phone
I really struggled with letting Zee have a cell phone. I didn't want her to have one, but in the end, I decided that not talking to her for long stretches of time was too hard on both of us. (In the past when she has visited her dad for two weeks in the summer, he hasn't let her talk to me much, and weekends are pretty much the same.)

In the beginning, she did use the phone for its intended purpose: to contact me when she was at her father's. However, little by little, she started to use it more often for texting her friends. While not forbidden, her text use began to get out of control.

Jake just sent me the bill for last month. Zee used more than 2,000 text messages. To put that in some perspective, that's almost 70 messages per day. I had fewer than 900. And remember, Zee turns her phone off all day at school.

Yikes.

Plus, her having a cell phone provides her with an element of privacy that I didn't consider when I was deliberating whether or not to get her one.

TEST CASE: RESULTS
One week, no cell phone. Five days, no Molly. Remarkably, Zee and I got along great the entire weekend. I mean great.

Little to no disrespect. Obedience with minimal complaining. Yes ma'ams and thank yous the entire weekend. Hugs, kisses, dancing... back to being "us" again.

THE DECISION, AND PRESENTING A UNITED FRONT
My decision process looks like this: I investigate; I deliberate; I pray; I seek counsel; I decide. I had already asked Zee to evaluate whether she thought Molly was a positive influence in her life. Of course, she said yes.

Well, my process led me to a different conclusion. So, I decided that I didn't want Zee spending time with Molly anymore.

I also decided not to return her cell phone. She's just not ready. She doesn't have enough self-control to regulate her usage.

The problem with parenting completely separately is that one parent can easily undermine the other, which frequently happens. I was afraid that if I took Zee's cell phone that Saul would simply replace it. And just because I don't allow Zee to hang out with someone doesn't mean Saul will abide by my rules.

Saul doesn't fully agree with my parenting; nonetheless, I prayed, hoped for the best, and talked to him about the friend and the phone.

I told him about my conversation with Zee's teacher then asked him if he's noticed a difference in Zee. He said, "Well, she complains about you a lot more." He also said he thought Zee's problems with me stemmed from Molly's bad relationship with her mom.

So I asked if he'd be willing to support my decision not to allow Zee to spend time with Molly anymore. He said yes. Then I discussed the phone and asked for his support. Again, he said yes. Wow.

THE DRAMA THAT ENSUED
After school yesterday, Zee didn't walk out with Molly. Apparently, the time apart damaged their relationship. (Her "friend" had moved on in Zee's absence.)

Zee was hurt, but she said, "I don't think I'll be hanging out with Molly anymore." We talked about it for a while and I tried to comfort her.

Considering her day, I didn't really want to talk about the phone, but she was supposed to get it back so she kept pushing me. Finally, I sat her down and explained that I wasn't returning the phone. I went over the reasons why.

She lost her composure. She started yelling that I didn't want her to have any friends. She started crying and telling me that her dad would get her a phone so it didn't matter what I said.

I asked her to visit her room until she could calm down. Oh, it was very dramatic for about an hour with her slamming doors then yelling at me that she didn't do anything wrong.

Then she kept calling me in the room so she could propose alternate solutions to taking the cell phone away.

She explained that she wouldn't be able to have friends anymore without a cell phone.

ME: Honey, you can still use the house phone.

ZEE: Mom, it doesn't work like that anymore. People don't just call each other. They text.

It doesn't work like that anymore? Yeah, I'm 85, and I just don't know how the kids do things these days.

ME: Babe, it takes a certain level of respect for your friends to call the house and know that your mom might answer the phone. If someone's too cowardly to call you at home, knowing your mom might answer, that's a good start to deciding if they're even worth spending time with.

When dinner time came around, she wanted to take dinner in her room.

ME: No, baby. We eat dinner together as a family.

ZEE: I can't, Mom. I'm crying. What do you want me to do?

ME: Stop crying and come eat dinner; five minutes.

ZEE: Uh, Mom. I have to put on make-up so it doesn't look like I've been crying.

ME: See you for dinner in five minutes. Love you.

THE UNEXPLAINED, BUT MUCH APPRECIATED, EQUANIMITY
As expected, Zee pouted for much of dinner, but sometime near the middle, she stopped. She began joining in conversation and enjoying herself. Then the drama was over.

After dinner, we worked on homework together. I reviewed her math and explained a few things. We talked and hugged. We played a joke on my dad and giggled for about 15 minutes about it.

Then when I was tucking her in, she said, "Mom, do you think I could sleep with you? I just really need you tonight."

I needed her too.

You can't mess with a grand champion

This weekend I competed as a black belt for the first time. I competed in both kata and sparring, and much to my surprise, I won both.

I competed in the black belt women's division in kata then competed against the winner of the black belt men's division. Since I beat the winner of the men's division, I'm now a kata "grand champion."

I've been joking with Zee about it all weekend. Every time she tries to talk back, I remind her that she can't mess with a black belt grand champion. She's sick of it, but I find it amusing, so I'll probably keep it up for the next week or so.

The best part is that the grand champion gets $100. So I got $200 bucks for winning both kata and sparring!

Here's the kata I won with. It's an original that I titled, "Dr. Yushinko Takes Revenge on the People of Little China Town for the Events of October 1984."

I might have made a big, honkin', huge mistake

I requested that before the magazine goes to print, my name be removed from the byline on the article that was stolen from me.

The danger: insulting my boss' writing and editing abilities by admitting that his suggested "updates" aren't good enough to carry my name (which they aren't).

But who's that honest in the workplace? Job security has to count for something doesn't it?

However, as a (perhaps too) highly principled person, I cannot allow my name to run as the author of an article that has changed so much from my original that it doesn't even resemble my words anymore.

But I'll take your comments on this one. Was it worth it? I have agonized over this article, which is now clunky and stuffy and inaccurate. But I have a job, and in the end, I still get a paycheck when my name is attached to a crappy article. I may have jeopardized that paycheck now in the name of pride.

Did I make a mistake?

I feel like I'm losing her

Lately, Zee has been different. Her change began imperceptibly, but has evolved into something much more noticeable. Sometimes when she's talking to me, I find myself thinking, who is this child?

PERSONA, MATERIALISM, AND GOSSIP
Zee seems to have created a façade of the person she wants to be rather than just being who she truly is. I want her back. But I also wonder: Do all young people go through this? Is it just part of growing up?

The shift began with music. She started adapting her taste in music to those around her. Music she'd always liked in the past suddenly became "uncool" and she shunned it.

Lately, I've caught Zee saying some really cruel things about other people. She's always been a defender of others, so hearing her turn into an attacker is confusing to me. I can't understand where it's coming from.

I think the gossip is just part of the persona she wants to create, but I can't figure out why she'd want to be a mean girl. Is it "cool" to degrade others?

Name brands also started creeping in recently. Instead of asking for a cute purse for Christmas, she wanted a cute Coach purse. Suddenly it's Vera Wang perfume, Abercrombie & Fitch blue jeans, Tiffany earrings.

Saul's girlfriend has a rich father, and she's used to a certain standard of living. Since Saul started dating her, he's become even more materialistic. Unfortunately, that materialism is seeping into Zee, especially since she looks up to the girlfriend a lot.

(By the way, this is the only fault I've really found with the girlfriend. I absolutely love her but for this vice.)

Yesterday, Zee asked if her dad could take her shopping for school clothes next year instead of me. She said, "You know, that's really the only thing my dad and I have in common, shopping." How sad for Zee.

Zee is beginning to connect the amount of money spent with the amount of love given. When Saul bought his girlfriend a Tiffany necklace for Christmas, Zee said, "That shows how much he loves her." These little comments are sprinkled in many of her conversations about her dad.

Every time I hear her say something similar, I try to negate the materialism and remind her that her dad loves her, and it has nothing to do with purchases of any kind. I'm not sure what I can say in these instances without calling her father shallow.

SNOT-NOSED, SELFISH SPOILED BRATTINESS
Zee wanted to hang out with her friends Friday night. It was Saul's weekend, and after an extended period of drama on Zee's part, he agreed. (To be fair, he had already given his word then tried to recant.)

Well Saturday, Saul wanted to visit a cave in San Antonio with Zee, his girlfriend, and his brother's family, including Zee's cousin Lara. When Zee heard about it, she complained to me, "A cave, seriously? A CAVE! He didn't even consult with me. He thinks he can just plan my whole weekend."

Pause. What?

Again, last night as she was telling me about the weekend, she mentioned the cave. I asked her if she had fun hanging out with her dad's family.

ZEE: Mom, it was a cave. A cave, seriously? No it was not fun. Me and Lara were talking about how stupid it was that they made us go. It was a cave.

ME: So you ruined everyone else's good time by griping and complaining the entire day?

ZEE: No. I didn't complain.

ME: Really? You just said that you and Lara complained about how stupid it was. You don't realize that you could've had a great time with your family. It's not about where you go; it's about who you're with.

ZEE: Mom, he didn't even ask me what I wanted to do. I didn't want to go. Then as a trade off for us going to the cave, we were supposed to stop at the outlet mall on the way home and we didn't even do that.

ME: Your father allowed you to do exactly what you wanted to do on Friday night, and you can't even spend one day doing something he wants to do without pitching a fit the entire time? And what makes you think we ever have to consult you before we do anything? When we ask what you'd like to do, that's a courtesy, not a requirement.

ZEE: Yeah, and how often do I get to do what I want to do?

ME: How many volleyball games have I been to for you? How many times have I driven you to play practice? How many times have I gone to your school for events? Are you kidding me? I do all those things because I love you. Have you ever heard me complain about having to sit in the bleachers and watch you play volleyball? No, and you'll never hear it, because I love being with you and seeing you happy.

ZEE: That's not the same.

ME: You're right. It's not the same because I don't act like it's a chore just to be around you. I enjoy you every minute with you no matter what we're doing.

ATTITUDE AND LANGUAGE
Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, , like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like.

Every other word is "like." It may as well be a profanity the way Zee inserts it into every sentence. She's such an intelligent girl, and I get frustrated when hearing her purposely revert to juvenile language tendencies. We can no longer communicate with each other clearly.

Now I feel like I'm constantly decoding her. We're just having a hard time connecting.

When we do have an actual conversation, it's full of drama and disrespect. I know drama is a natural occurrence in teenage girls, so that I expected, but the disrespect is a surprise.

Suddenly nothing I say makes sense to her, and her tone of voice has an undercurrent of "Mom is stupid." In fact, yesterday I grounded her from her phone and she said, "In my opinion, that's dumb." The grounding period was therefore extended.

Some people will also say that the disrespect is normal. But it's not for us. I'm no longer getting through to her.

She's distancing herself from me.

Honestly, what worries me most is that all of these issues point to Zee having low self-esteem. People who have a healthy view of themselves are comfortable being who they are. But Zee's not.

The question is: Do all kids go through this? I need to discern whether this is a natural stage that will pass or whether I have cause for serious concern.

I was married for seven years

But now I'm in a real relationship.










The divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me.
(And I don't feel guilty for saying that anymore.)

Work frustrations, but I still get paid

Forgive my long absence; work has been a challenge lately. I've been working on a 2,000 word article to run in the next issue of our magazine. Hours of research and writing.

I submitted the article last week. First, my boss completely rearranged everything and wrote a new lead paragraph. Well, he didn't check his changes thoroughly and left some incomplete sentences throughout. He also repeated sentences. But I reworked the article with his suggestions in mind.

Then I resubmitted. And the magazine's editor didn't like the article's focus, so she refocused it. Fine. So I reworked it again based on her suggestions and resubmitted.

Yesterday morning, when I arrived, my boss had emailed still another version. He didn't like the focus the editor suggested, so now I have to rework the article again. And his new edit has factual inaccuracies.

Arg.

I'm not opposed to other people edited my writing. I am, however, opposed to bad editing. Matter of opinion, sure, but I have strong opinions. No secret there. I'll let you decide.

My lead paragraph:

Enticing employees to take part in reducing long-term health care costs has long been a quandary for employers. But a new trend is developing that just may present a viable solution.

My boss changed it to read:

Across the country, employers are exploring ways to get their workers to take care of their own health as a way of reducing the cost of medical benefits. Wellness programs – including incentives to show that employers are serious – are in.

It's clunky now, especially with a dash in the lead. And I'm opposed to calling employees "workers" in a magazine article.

My second paragraph read:

As a strategy, many employers have been focusing on reducing health risks among their employees. Research shows that reducing health risks now results in reducing health care costs in the future. According to the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, employers who invest in worksite health promotion can see a return of $3-$6 for every dollar invested over a 2-5 year period. For county officials who are accountable to taxpayers, those savings make firm fiscal sense.

My boss changed it to read:

Research shows that reducing health risks today results in reducing health care costs in the future. According to the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, employers who invest in worksite health promotion can see a return of $3-$6 for every dollar invested over a 2-5 year period. Some governments are taking an aggressive approach.

What exactly was wrong with my original text? My boss just likes to insert himself into everything, but the article is running with my name in the byline. Shouldn't it be my words then? Arg.

The magazine's editor also needed to make her mark. So here are some of her changes.

My original title was "Health Dollars Make Fiscal Sense." She changed it to "A Path to Wellness." Yawn.

Then there are inexplicable changes that don't make any sense.

I had, "Dr. William B. Baun also spoke of the importance of engaging employees in a wellness partnership."

She changed it to, "In order for employers to succeed with their wellness initiatives, they much engage in wellness partnerships."

And she starts sentences with "It is," "There are," and "There is," which makes for boring writing. Writers should always use active sentences.

She also went through and inserted "For example" at the beginning of three sentences, an unnecessary and repetitive change.

The editor just came in and told me that revisions are over; the magazine's going to print. I wish I could just remove my name from the byline. It's not my article anymore.

Sad irony in the news

I've mentioned several times on this blog that real-world examples of irony amuse me, but today, I was saddened by one.

A Muslim television executive confessed to beheading his wife. In 2004, he began a television station for Muslims to counter anti-Islam stereotypes.

When he created the station, he said, "Every day on television we are barraged by stories of a 'Muslim extremist, militant, terrorist, or insurgent.' But the stories that are missing are the countless stories of Muslim tolerance, progress, diversity, service and excellence that Bridges TV hopes to tell."

Now for something lighter...

31 random facts about me (a.k.a. more than you wanted to know)

1. The sound of styrofoam drives me insane


2. I must must must have the toilet paper dispenser with the paper rolling over the top, not lulling under the bottom (and no matter where I am, I'll change it to over the top)


3. I highlight and write in the margins of books I read


4. It's almost impossible for me to watch an entire movie at home without falling asleep (although it has been done at least once)


5. I drink about six cups of coffee per day


6. I refuse to buy Starbucks coffee on principle (and not because I want the "little guy" to succeed)


7. I love raw spinach


8. I love apples with peanut butter


9. I hold myself to the same high standards I apply to others


10. Sometimes I take pictures of signs with grammatical errors


11. Hugging is my favorite


12. I make up ridiculous songs and sing them at embarrassing moments (my latest is, "I like the booty, I like to smack that")


13. My favorite sound is t as in "toast"


14. My favorite letter is Z


15. My favorite numbers are 10,000 and 8


16. I write poetry that no one ever sees


17. I still love climbing trees


18. My thoughts don't scare me


19. I have a weird ability to remember numbers even though I forget much of everything else (I know both my parents' driver's license numbers from renting videos on their account as a teenager)


20. I have five tattoos


21. I prefer blue jeans and a T-shirt to any other clothing


22. I love Rod Stewart


23. I rarely purchase anything not on sale (except for groceries; they never go on sale)


24. My favorite phrase is, "You don't know"


25. I hit snooze at least five times in the morning (and still sometimes don't wake up on time)


26. I don't like eating at restaurants


27. I can still do flips on a trampoline


28. I enjoy being alone


29. I'm intrigued by weird phenomena and sometimes study them at length


30. Writing on this blog makes me feel more like a "real" writer than my actual writing job does


31. I'm a ninja

The new New Deal

First, who believes that "the federal government is the only entity left with the resources to jolt our economy back into life"? We have a national debt of more than 10 trillion dollars (and growing), so I'm thinking we don't have the resources to do anything.

Furthermore, to whom do we owe this debt? Even scarier... mainly to foreign countries that aren't necessarily our allies (including China, Japan, and Russia, among others). In fact, the amount of foreign-owned debt is almost three times the total amount of U.S. currency in circulation.

Currently, each American owes close to $35,000 on the national debt.

Yet still, some yahoo in Washington says that only an $819 billion stimulus package will "put more money in the pockets of those Americans who are most likely to spend it, and that will help break the cycle and get our economy moving."

Did I hear that right? So the solution to our ailing, debt-overloaded economy is to borrow from countries that hate us so we can spend more money than we can fathom on items we don't need.

Along with the above quotes from President Obama's press conference yesterday, he also said, "The plan that ultimately emerges from Congress must be big enough and bold enough to meet the size of the economic challenges that we face right now.

"What it does not contain, however, is a single pet project, not a single earmark."

Really? Well it is both big and bold, but I wonder how Obama defines earmarks and pet projects because the plan includes:

• $80 million for rural development salaries and expenses
• $50 million for the National Endowment for the Arts
• $6 billion to turn federal buildings into "green" buildings (now that's expensive paint)
  
• $90 million to educate "vulnerable populations" about the switch from analog to digital television (Yeah, let's educate the vulnerable people about the new TV, but let's go ahead and kill our most vulnerable members of society through repeated legislation allowing unscrupulous abortion.)
• $650 million for digital TV coupons (again, TV, the golden calf of our society)
• $150 million for the Smithsonian
• $246 million tax break for Hollywood movie producers to buy motion picture film (so important)
  
• $20 billion for food stamps
• $25 million for tribal alcohol and substance abuse reduction
• $89.7 billion for federal medical assistance (read nationalized health care)
• $40.8 billion for health care for the unemployed (again)
• $500 million for the Women, Infants and Children (WIC) program
• $1.2 billion for youth activities, including summer jobs (and increasing the age of youth from under 21 to under 24)
  
• $2.8 billion to expand broadband in rural areas (high-speed internet access for the boonies... Hey if they wanted more technology, wouldn't they just move to the city?)
• $2.8 billion for grants to extend broadband (uh more high-speed internet)
• $18.5 billion for energy efficiency and renewable energy programs
• $200 million for NASA to use on climate research (it's so important to know the climate in outer space)
• $850 million for Amtrak (which hasn't turned a profit in 40 years)
• $87 million for a polar icebreaking ship for the U.S. Coast Guard (wha?)
• $400 million for global-warming research
• $300 million for energy-efficient-appliance rebate programs
• $30.8 billion for "other" (my personal favorite)
  

This stimulus plan amounts to nothing more than saddling Americans with loads of unnecessary debt and making a bigger, broader national government that's looking more and more like socialism every day.

Compromising for the child

Today was the child support hearing.

No wonder Saul was so worried. He's been paying $316/month now for three years. In today's hearing, I found out that he should be paying $680/month. So that's more than double.

In anticipation of today's hearing, Saul called and asked me if I'd be willing to work with him on the amount the court might order. He was afraid they'd order an amount he "couldn't" pay. So he gave me his sob story about how many bills he had, how he could barely afford to live as it is, how he had necessities to pay for, blah, blah, blah.

I assured him that I am not an unreasonable person, but that he and I probably have very different definitions of what constitutes a "necessity."

So he told me about his rent, his car, his gas, his food, his electric bill, his phone bill, his couch, his bed. He had to have a bed, he told me, and now he's paying monthly on the $700 bed he bought. And the only reason he bought that huge television was to build his credit. That's the only reason.

I said, "You might need a bed, but you don't need a $700 bed." I ignored the TV comment completely because what do I say to that? I'm too polite to say, "That's just stupid. Do you think I really believe that nonsense?"

I am who I am. I can't change who he is. He's never going to be frugal, no matter how much money he has coming in or going out.

In the end, I need to have a good working relationship with Saul because it's best for my daughter. And I don't want him having a roommate just to save money on rent. It makes me too uncomfortable to have some strange man living there when Zee has to go visit every other weekend.

So even though the caseworker told us that the state guidelines called for $680/month, I offered to take $500. Then, I offered to take $475 in exchange for Saul switching holidays so Zee can spend every other Christmas with me, Joe, Dalton and Kaelyn. He agreed.

If I put all the child support into a college fund, Zee should have about $30,000 by the time she goes to college (not counting any growth that will occur).

I believe I've been more than generous with Saul. For Zee's sake, I hope the good will goes a long way.

I'm not so crazy after all

We went to a new dentist yesterday. Zee's dental insurance changed so we also had to change dentists.

I figured this dentist would also recommend that we see an orthodontist as her last dentist did, but a funny thing happened at the office.

Zee had a great checkup and the dentist said she's doing a nice job brushing and flossing.

After the dentist cleaned Zee's teeth, he asked, "How do y'all feel about braces?"

(I didn't think about it much at the time, but this is a rather strange question for a dentist to ask, don't you think?)

I said, "Well, I'm about to embarrass my daughter but I'll tell you."

Then I gave him my spiel about how I had no problem with braces as a dental necessity but a huge problem with them as a perceived necessity just to straighten teeth.

Then Zee jumped in and said, "But I want to straighten my teeth, especially the bottom."

Then the dentist looked at her, looked at me, and said, "For the record, I agree with you. It's silly to get braces if you don't need them." Then, turning to Zee, he added, "And you don't need them."

Score one for mommy.

The incestuous nature of interfering

Some Texas legislators are asking the state to adopt stricter fuel-efficiency standards. Several other states are also seeking to make similar changes, and Obama is pushing the Environmental Protection Agency to approve the states' requests.

May I just point out the irony here?

U.S. automakers requested, and received, a huge chunk of money ($17.4 billion) from the federal government. The bailout occurred because allowing U.S. automakers to fail would presumably cause the U.S. economy to become dangerously close to collapsing.

Well, I have expressed my outrage over us (taxpayers) funding private industry, but specifically the ridiculousness of bailing out the auto industry.

From a previous post on bailing out failing businesses, I said:

When we subsidize or bail out businesses, we steal their opportunity to learn from their mistakes. If we allow failing businesses to continue their failing practices at the taxpayer's expense, what are they learning?

As consumers, one of our most powerful assets is the power of choice. If we disagree with how a company conducts business, we can choose to shop elsewhere. If companies continually mistreat customers, and enough customers choose to shop with a competitor, that company will have to change its bad practices or go out of business.

Unless of course, the government gives the company a big fat check. Then the company can continue its bad business practices, and we've lost the power capitalism gives us.

We've been seeing the free-market system in action through the auto industry. Consumers don't want to buy a car that only gets 20 miles/gallon when they can buy a comparable car that gets 25 miles/gallon.

The 2008 U.S. government publication, the Fuel Economy Guide, showed fuel-efficiency ratings for both foreign and domestic vehicles. And unsurprisingly, only three of the top 10 best fuel-economy automakers were American.

When comparing domestic and foreign cars according to class size, foreign cars are overwhelmingly better on gas mileage than domestic cars (city/highway).

COMPACT

• Saturn Astra (GM) 24/30
• Chrysler PT Cruiser (2-door) 20/25
• Pontiac G6 (GM) 22/30
• Toyota Corolla 28/37
• Hyundai Accent 24/33

MIDSIZE

• Chevrolet Malibu (GM) 22/32
• Ford Fusion 20/29
• Chrysler Sebring 21/30
• Nissan Versa 27/33
• Hyundai Elantra 25/33

General Motors received $9.4 billion in the auto bailout. Chrysler received $4 billion.

Now the government wants to regulate fuel-efficiency standards. Question: If the government didn't bail out the U.S. auto industry, wouldn't U.S. automakers be forced to compete with foreign automakers?

However, because the government stole the power of the free-market system, instead of U.S. automakers having to organically compete with foreign fuel-efficiency standards, the government wants to legislate those standards.

Do you see the incestuousness here?

Conforming to the needs of society

Last year, Zee's dentist mentioned that she may "need" braces and suggested I take her to an orthodontist. The problem, of course, is that I analyze everything.

Why did a practice that exists mainly for cosmetic purposes become a need? I understand that some people actually do need braces to correct health issues that may be problematic or painful, but for the most part, dentists recommend braces to straighten crooked teeth.

Is straightening crooked teeth a need?

By agreeing with the dentist that Zee needs braces just to straighten her teeth, I would be confirming the belief that I am not satisfied with Zee's appearance.

Because getting braces has become a rite of passage of sorts for American teenagers, the practice isn't often questioned. I believe it should be. We've spent years telling our children that straight teeth are the image of perfection for which they should strive.

Braces have been around for a long time but became common practice in the 1990s, so there's a good chance many of you had them. I wore braces for two years to straighten my teeth and correct a severe overbite.

My younger brother had braces to straighten his teeth.

I'm not against braces or orthodontics. I just don't believe in following the common practice of using braces to "correct" crooked teeth. Crooked teeth aren't incorrect, and therefore don't need correcting. That's like sending your 13-year-old kid for a nose job.

Everything in our culture tells our children they're not beautiful. We don't need to add to the pressure.

Zee is begging me to take her to the orthodontist. She has bought into the belief that she needs to have straight teeth, no matter how much I remind her that uniqueness is what creates beauty, not sameness.

We started reading a young-adult novel series that has created some interesting discussions between us. In Uglies, all children are considered ugly until they receive a surgery to become pretty at age 16. Some council decides what pretty looks like, and plastic surgeons are trained to craft the human body to conform to the prescribed image of pretty.

In the novel's society, everyone has agreed to standards of beauty, and it's understood that in order to have true equality, everyone must look the same.

I try to read a chapter to Zee every night, and I leave plenty of time for discussion. Initially Zee agreed with the premise of the novel. She thought it seemed fair that everyone should look the same to ensure equality. But as we've progressed through the story, she has started questioning the council's motives.

Now she's asking questions like, "Why should everyone be alike?" I try not to do too much preaching and just let her come to her own conclusions. But I do ask her a lot of questions as we read.

I'm hoping that she will also learn to analyze everything around her. Just because society has accepted something doesn't mean it's right. In the past (and today) we've become complacent to horrific practices just because society has accepted them:

• Slavery
• Forcing single mothers to give their babies up for adoption
• Witch hunts
• Japanese internment
• Abortion
• Pornography

Now please understand that I'm not comparing getting braces with any of the above practices. But I am saying that societal acceptance doesn't automatically confer legitimacy on any practice.

I will take Zee to the orthodontist as her dentist recommended, but I will be sure to ask for a complete explanation of why Zee needs braces. Then I will decide whether she actually needs them.

A little Friday humor

I found a few "best of" Craig's List postings that I wanted to share:

Man seeking arch enemy

Doggie diapers for sale

Advice for men (Amen to this one!)

Plan to ditch the wife

Let me first say that I disagree with these parents...

But the state had no right to kidnap their children. We live in America. We can raise our children any way we choose. This kind of nonsense brings us one step closer to living in a nanny state.

A child named Adolf Hitler Campbell was removed from his home by New Jersey authorities. Authorities also took custody of his siblings, both of whom have similarly offensive Nazi-inspired names. The state confirmed that it had never received reports of abuse or negligence.

Look, if children are being stolen because of their crappy names, shouldn't many of today's celebrities be visited by their local Child Protective Services? This is ridiculous. Now we can't even name our children what we want?

One reason this case incenses me so much is that, according to the liberal left currently in control of Congress and now the presidency, Christianity is nothing more than a hate-mongering, intolerant religion that spreads illogical fear.

Now, if New Jersey can remove children because of someone's subjective moral superiority, how long until they find reasons to take our kids too?

Some lawmaker will object to the name Chastity or Grace.

Teaching that homosexuality is wrong is very politically incorrect these days. Will they take our kids for that? We have no right to teach our kids intolerance.

Maybe they'll take our kids because we're teaching them abstinence. We have no right to send our children sexually unprotected into the world.

And what about abortion? We have no right to tell our little girls what they can do to their bodies.

Spanking? Already a controversial issue, and one sorely misunderstood, various legislators have been trying to outlaw the practice for years. We have no right to discipline our children. (Unfortunately, not all parents spank with love and compassion, and I think this has contributed to the problem.)

Because the government has entered the business of setting the country's morality, we have less and less control over how we raise our own children. And as a result, this nation is more sinful than ever before.

I made a wrong decision

Last week Zee and two of her friends spent the entire week planning a weekend activity. The wanted to go to the movies together with their moms.

So they mentioned the movie Bride Wars. We don't watch TV at home so I never know much about upcoming movies unless I read about them.

Well Zee said it was rated PG and had the girl from Princess Diaries in it. I told her it sounded fine, but I would still have to check into it. She gave me plenty of notice, plenty of time to research the movie before the weekend.

I got busy over the week and didn't research the movie until Saturday morning, and we were scheduled to go the movies at 4 that afternoon. When I began reading the Plugged In review, I realized that I didn't want Zee to see this movie.

I will never understand why directors and producers deviously insert inappropriate scenes into movies targeted to a young audience. What do they stand to gain? The movie has two lead characters, both women, who are living with their boyfriends. OK, I can understand how the world sees nothing wrong with that.

But, the movie also has a scene of the women in a male strip club. Has this society slipped so far that even that is appropriate for children?

Cussing, backbiting, casual discussions of sex, heavy drinking... this is a PG movie? I've always said that I won't allow some liberal Hollywood group located in Los Angeles to determine whether a movie is appropriate for my child, so no matter what the Motion Picture Association of America rates a movie, I always research before allowing Zee to watch.

Because I waited until Saturday morning to research the movie, the girls already had all their plans made. Arg. So I had to make a tough decision. Do I cancel the plans Zee had been preparing for a week and deny her the chance to spend time with her friends, or do I allow her to see a sin-filled movie and by default sanction that sin in the eyes of my daughter?

Well, when I write it down, the decision seems a lot easier. But I didn't make the right decision; I made the wrong one.

I wanted to discuss the movie with Zee before I made my decision. I told her that I thought the movie was inappropriate.

ZEE: But I never get to see anything my friends see. They're allowed to see PG-13. Mom, I'm old enough now.

ME: Zee, I'm giving you a courtesy here by discussing this movie with you. I can just as easily say, "No," but I'm giving you an opportunity to help me decide. I'm leaving the room, and when I come back, please be ready to discuss this like a rational 12 year old, not a whiny 4 year old.

I gave her a minute to cool down, then came back and explained to her what in the movie I deemed inappropriate.

ZEE: Mom, I'm mature enough to see that now.

ME: You think you're mature enough to see sin and debauchery exploited on a huge screen right before your eyes?

ZEE: Yes. I'm almost 13.

ME: Baby, maturity doesn't have anything to do with what we allow into our minds. I'm 31 and I shouldn't even be watching a male stripper scene. We're supposed to guard our minds no matter how old we are.

So we spent a few more minutes having this discussion then, Zee said, "Mom, it's your decision. If we can't go to the movies, I'm sure you and I will find something else to do." I don't know why I wrestled so hard with this decision. Normally this would be an easy one for me... No, we're not going to see that movie because it's inappropriate.

However, I understand the importance of making friends as kids are entering the teenage years. And Zee has struggled with making friends in the past.

In the end, I decided that building friendships with these girls and their moms was important for us, so we went to the movie. Zee gave me her word that when the strip-club scene came on, she would look down away from the screen.

And she did. I looked over at her during the scene, and she was fidgeting with the candy in her hands, just staring straight into her palms.

After the movie, we went to dinner at La Madeleine. It was an enjoyable evening, except for the incredible guilt searing me like acid from within.

How could I have had that whole discussion with Zee about guarding your mind then still taken her to see such an inappropriate movie? I'm a huge hypocrite.

Later that night I asked Zee if she thought the movie had been appropriate. She admitted that it wasn't. Then I apologized to her. I asked her to forgive me for going against my instincts, which I always teach her not to do. I asked forgiveness for letting her down. And I gave her my word that I would be more careful with her in the future.

She forgave me, but I'm having a hard time forgiving myself.